


Just another bad day

by Sorariru



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, but its implied and everyone's been warned, clingy soonyoung, idk if this is triggering, its just another rough day, its not impliead anymore. theyre one big poly relationship im sorry, panic attacks?, sad joshua, seventeen comforting sad josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14394555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorariru/pseuds/Sorariru
Summary: he likes to remind himself





	1. (i.) remember

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading! The warnings are all in the tag, it's nothing graphic. I'm not that great at writing anything graphic. It's just really seventeen comforting Joshua. If anyone's out of character my apologies.  
> you might be weirded out on the format but i dont really know how to format this so yea tnx 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Remember,”

He breathes in and out, opens his fist and finally opens his eyes. He still sees himself, with a little bigger eyes, standing with a tighter posture.

“Remember,” he says to himself again.

He hears the ruckus his friends make as they try to go on with their bathroom routines. The van that’ll bring them to their schedule will arrive soon. He fixes his hair and tries to put on his contacts. Someone knocks at the bathroom door.

“Hyung, it’s almost time to go.”

“Yeah, coming.”

He ignores the sting on his hip and opens the door for Chan. Joshua smiles at the younger, telling him to hurry up as well and leaves the bathroom. It’ll be a long day, he notes as Seungcheol lists off all the activity they have to do today.

“After the fansign, we’re going straight to the studio. Any questions?” Seungcheol asks to nobody in particular. After a few moments of being ignored, Junhui herds Seungcheol to his room to pick a better jacket because ‘stylist noona will kill you if you wear that jacket again. It’s the fifth day today hyung’.

Joshua snickers and helps Seungkwan find the shoelaces he washed last night (found next to Seokmin’s cereal bowl). After a solid 20 minutes, everyone was raring to go.

“Remember,” he says one last time before heading out with the others.

* * *

 

After a rough night of throwing his mind around for the new song, Joshua was finally released from the studio to get some sleep. He doesn’t forget to bring Jihoon his next batch of coffee and Chan’s towels before leaving. He gets to the dorm to the surprise that there was a piping hot dinner on the table and some kind of anime playing in the TV (was that Ponyo?).

“Welcome home hyung!” Mingyu greets, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’m back ‘gyu.” He mumbles, still staring at the rarity which was called homemade dishes. “What’s up?”

 Mingyu didn’t hear him as the younger continues to bustle around the kitchen. Seokmin on the other hand, threw himself to Joshua and practically dragged the older man on the couch to watch TV (it _is_ Ponyo). Minghao was already on the couch, told him that Mingyu just received some homemade food from his mom so they should wait for the others so they could eat together.

He didn’t know when but being trapped within Seokmin’s arms and Minghao’s legs, he drifted off to sleep. He only woke up to Seungcheol shaking his shoulder. The most of the group, Chan and JIhoon still absent, was already huddled in front of the tv with their own utensils. He could hear someone cooing at the background but he ignored it in favor of receiving his own utensils from Junhui. They started dinner without much ruckus.

It was a long day and no one was too hyper to create some noisy ruckus, just some whispers and the TV playing (this time it was some weekday drama that Joshua doesn’t really follow). After eating, Joshua gathers all the utensils and washed it himself.

“Remember,” he says again to no one in particular. He continues scrubbing the oil out of the bowl.

“Joshua,”

He looks up from drying the dishes and finds Vernon by the fridge. “You okay?”

Joshua shrugs, “Just tired.”

“Oh okay. I got you some honey tea from the store earlier. Do you want me to brew you some?”

“That’s fantastic. Thanks.”

Vernon smiles at him and readies the pot. Joshua wipes down the wetness off his palms and prepares to clean himself. He vaguely remembers having an early morning schedule tomorrow so might as well head to bed soon.

He was about to enter his room when Soonyoung grabs his hand and drags him into his own room. Scented candles (Jeonghan?) wafted inside the room and some of Jihoon’s plushies were all piled up in Soonyoung’s bed?

“Soonyoung?” he dumbly says, trying to take in why the younger was pulling him to his room.

“Sleep with me tonight hyung,” the younger grinned. He didn’t waste any time to pull Johsua in his bed and coddled him.

“Chan doesn’t want to sleep with you tonight Soonie?” Joshua chuckled and embraced the performance unit leader.

“Yeah-“

“Hyung, here’s your tea.”

To his surprise, Seungkwan was the one who brings him tea. Seungkwan places the tea on Soonyoung’s bedside table and started talking about the latest thing that happened. May it be his sister wrongly sent him some female undergarments to his same-age friends or meeting the mailman yesterday on his way to work.

The younger boy was ejected out of the room by Junhui and he enjoys his tea while watching the light banter between Junhui and Seungkwan, the older winning. Joshua snickers and felt Soonyoung snoring behind him. Must’ve been too tiring for him, Joshua notes and snuggles closer to the warm man.

After miraculously sending Seungkwan off to his room, Joshua was about to stand up and put his cup back to the sink but Soonyoung didn’t let him. He just sighs and puts the cup on the bedside table and leans against the cuddling member. He scrolls through is phone to pass time.

A message pops out.

 

_Won: Soo hyung?_

_JS: Yes? Do you need anything Wonwoo?_

_Won: Nothing. I just wanna know if you’re sleeping well in Soon’s room. He might be choking you with his hugs lmao._

 

Joshua snorts on how Wonwoo still retains the grammar while ‘lmao-ing’. What a guy.

 

_JS: Not really. He’s cozy enough._

_JS: Why?_

_Won: Coups hyung says even though its late we could still have a group ‘cuddling session’ as he says._

_Won: I refuted with ‘It’s summer and it’s too hot’._

_Won: he’s sulking right now. Help._

 

He tries to listen into the next room and indeed he can hear Seungcheol whining through the walls.

 

_JS: Sory bud. Youre on your own._

_Won: Traitor._

 

He giggles and closes the messaging app. He’s quite sure that Wonwoo could handle a sulking general leader on his own. Besides, Vernon and Mingyu would be there. On the back of his mind, he knows that Mingyu would be so down with a group cuddle and Vernon would be too if it’s a special occasion if not, would just amusingly watch everything go down between his group members. Well, Wonwoo is really on his own if that’s the case. Woops.

The clock on Junhui’s desk blares with ’11:52PM’. He vaguely remembers that Jihoon wasn’t at home yet- nor was Chan. ‘Did they have dinner as of yet?’ he worried thinks, opening his messaging application in haste.

 

_JS: JIhoon are you guys still in the studio?_

 

After a few minutes of being totally ignored, Joshua opts to messaging Chan instead. Why did he even hope that JIhoon would be able to answer his phone? The guy leaves his phone in the bag while working.

 

_JS: Chan. Are you guys still in the studio?_

_JS: It’s late._

 

After counting to twenty, he grins victoriously as it dings with Chan’s message.

 

_Mak-nae: sorry hyung, with jihoon hyung right now._

_Mak-nae: on our way home._

_JS: Good. Be careful then._

_JS: The key’s under the pot._

_Mak-nae: thank you hyung!_

 

As he was about to close his phone and finally go to sleep, his phone dings again. Surprisingly, it’s from Jihoon.

 

_Prod-nim: Shua hyung_

_Prod-nim: r u feeling alright now?_

_Prod-nim: we’re at the convenience store rn_

_Prod-nim: do u need anything?_

_Prod-nim: we can buy u chicken._

_JS: Oh sounds great. Thanks Jihoonie!_

_Prod-nim: anytime hyung._

 

When Joshua wakes up, it’s to the sound of microwave beeping from heating the chicken. The entirety of the dorm was still noisy and Soonoyoung’s orange-scented perfume still lingers on the blanket he’s in.

“Jisoo-ya?”

He looks up and finds Jeonghan peering on the door.

“It’s your turn for the bath. The bathroom near the entrance’s open.”

He reaches the bathroom and finds a new set of bandages and medicinal balms on the counter. He peers out to the ruckus outside, finding MIngyu fighting with Minghao and Seokmin over the chicken leg while Seungcheol begging for Seungkwan not to burn yet again another toast. Vernon and Chan were calmly eating breakfast while watching everything unfold. Wonwoo and Jihoon were safe in their own blanket cocoons by the couch. Somewhere, he could distinctly hear Soonyoung rapping by the other bathroom and Junhui’s mandarin playlist on the other.

A towel was thrusted in his direction.

“Here’s your towel.” It was Jeonghan beaming up to him “Jihoon and Chan brought brand new bandages and balms last night to help you. Do you need assistance?”

Joshua vaguely registers that indeed his cuts on his hip was open again and that there was stained blood on his pajama. He just shakes his head and tells the other that he was alright on his own. He closes the door and looks at himself at the mirror once again.

He sees a man, bedhead evident, pajama stained a little with blood by the hip and eyes not as bloodshot as yesterday. He doesn’t feel small. He doesn’t feel big.

“YAH SEUNGKWAN IT’S BURNED AGAIN”

“IT’S NOT MY FAULT. CHAN DID IT!”

“EXCUSE ME-“

He smiles. He feels alright.

“Remember,” He tells himself.

Remember that the sun will always come out after a long night. If not? Well, his family will be there to drag the sun out.

 


	2. (iia.) Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> joshua likes to remind himself to breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THis is a mess but i still hope you enjoy. This will have a part 2 hopefull i'll write it soon

There are days Joshua needs to remember that he has to breathe. He knows its far from the suffocating schedule or too many members or too much noise or even homesickness. He knows its all him.

He tries to grip the pen tighter, trying to feel the pen, the tightness he’s trying to feel within his palm. He wants to applaud himself for trying anyways.

“’shua hyung, can I borrow your pen?” Jihoon says, distracted from reading the new memo that Soonyoung gave this morning.

“Yeah sure,” he hands the pen and just watches the younger man do his work.

He’s been staying in Jihoon’s studio, getting comforted by the small space it provides and the continual beats that JIhoon tries to produce. The younger man insisted on using his headphones but Joshua declines him and says he wants to listen him work. Now, he’s comfortably sitting on the sofa, hugging one of Jihoon’s plush dolls. Ah, such a cute hobby for a cute stern man.

“it’s almost lunch time, do you wanna get out and eat? My treat.” JIhoon says, almost grabbing his wallet and jacket but Joshua stays unmoving on the sofa, staring at the younger man. “What?”

“Oh nothing, I just thought how cute and awesome you are Jihoon-ah,” Joshua smiles, and that’s true. Jihoon works so hard to make the team good quality beats and it never fails to amaze him how such a tiny man can create such masterpieces.

“Shut up hyung” Jihoon scowls but Johsua knows the compliment was well received.

“Can we eat here instead? I don’t think I want to move. You can order whatever you want.”

Jihoon looks at him for a moment and he can already see the cogs turning in the younger man’s head. With a nod, Jihoon grabs his phone and calls the nearest chicken house for some half soy chicken and half honey garlic chicken. Joshua hums in agreement and continues staring at Jihoon’s monitor.

The others might be doing their raps or practice their new routine just couple rooms away from them. In fact, Joshua feels bad for leaving Jeonghan with an overly hyped Soonyoung and Seungkwan after yesterday’s video game competition. The guy must’ve suffering from the duo’s whims after losing so bad last night.

Joshua knew today was going to be a particularly bad day, after last nights overly cheery festive celebration of the opening of that new bar downtown. Everyone got too drunk, too cheery. Joshua ended up the one who drives everyone home. It was too happy, too nice that he knew he had to recompensate for it for a day or even a week.

“’Shua hyung.”

He looks up and finds Vernon next to him, Jihoon nowhere in sight.

“Oh, hi Vernon.”

Vernon remains standing and Joshua just stares at him, waiting for something to happen.

“Uh, Seungcheol hyung is looking for you?”

“Got it.”

Most of the times, the members would know when his rough days would be because it’s so noticeable. He’d be unresponsive, he’d stare at walls for long minutes, he’d be nowhere near his original enegy levels. He hates it, he wants the day to be unnoticeable. He wants the members not to notice that he’s having these kinds of days. It’s not like he can help it but still he doesn’t like dragging down the members with his shitty mood shifts.

Usually his same aged friends would be the first to notice, and today was no different.

Seungcheol grins when Joshua reaches the company studio- almost the Hiphop Team studio with the amount of time they spend in here making their rap. The older man was on the chair balancing cup after cups, almost hilarious because Joshua knows once he closes the door, the cups will fall.

“Hey.” Then he closes the door, he snorts when the cups do indeed follow and falls one by one off the table. Seungcheol tries to salvage what is left of his cup pyramid but he’s only reduced to a single standing cup.

 Seungcheol pouts and Joshua just grins. Well, it’s his fault for calling him here.

“You could’ve closed the door gentler you meanie,” Seungcheol complains, picking up the stray cups.

He shrugs and helps the man pick up his cups.

Breathe, he says himself. There’s nothing wrong. Seungcheol won’t scold you for destroying is cup pyramid. He’s not that petty. Remember. Breathe. Don’t worry. Bre-

“-shua! Joshua!”

He snaps out of his trance and realizes Seungcheol’s face in only inches away from. He meets the worried orbs and tries not to be guilty to cause such discomfort to his boyfriend.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” He mumbles, pulling himself away from the leader. “Why did you call me here?”

Oh no, he’s doing it again. The space is getting too wide. The walls aren’t moving but the space is too big. Too wide. No.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay- you haven’t been eating this morning.” _And you might not eat this lunch too._ Is what he understood out of that.

Joshua clicks his tongue “I’m not a kid.”

No. Don’t do this.

“JIsoo please don’t-“

“Cheol please, I know how to take care of myself-“ No you don’t shut up. “So please. Leave me alone.”

Joshua turns his heel, places the cups on the table, and walks away. He grits his teeth, what in seven hells is he doing. His boyfriend was just worried about him, what is he doing flipping off like a spoiled brat. He knows what exactly he’s in and what is he even doing now. Why is he like this-

He didn’t know when but he would get these kinds of days where he needs to remember that he needs to breathe or days where his moods are just as fickle as the flame. He feels numb. He can’t feel anything but self-hate. He _hates_ himself for hurting Seungcheol. He hates himself for leaving Jihoon to eat alone in the studio whne the younger man wanted toeat outside. HE feels bad for just leaving Vernon without notice. He feels bad for leaving Jeonghannie- he feels bad to do this to his boyfriends. What did he even do to deserve all twelve of them. What is he even-

“Shua hyung!”

He doesn’t know who but he’s suddenly engulfed with a minty sweaty smell and a pair of arms around him. He doesn’t know but Joshua clings to whoever this was. Hands started rubing against his back and that was when Joshua realized that his breathing is out of control. He tries to reign his breathing, tries to reign his thoughts. Tries to reign himself.

“Shush ‘shua hyung. We’re here. We’re here. Don’t worry okay? We got you.”

He tries to focus on what he physically feels. He’s on the ground, kneeling- when did his knees go so weak? There’s a pair of arms around him, but there are currently four hands settle on his back. Two people with him. Okay, who are these two. He tries to regain what feeling he has and tries to determine who. For one, there are rings on their pinkies so their definitely one of his boyfriends-

“Can you hear me hyung?”

Joshua squints his eyes and tries to assess who’s hugging the life out of him.  Oh. It’s MInghao

“C’mon hyung, don’t faint on us. We still have to eat chicken alright? Jihoon hyung brought lots so you gotta help finishing them all.”

“Not now Hao,”

The remaining pair of hands apparently belongs to Junhui.

“Can you handle being in a room with the rest of us hyung? We can drive you home if you don’t feel well. We can cook ramyeon there.” Junhui suggests, putting his hand on Joshua’s forehead. “You feel slightly hot. Maybe it’s a slight fever. We should get home hyung.”

“Home sounds good.” He finally says, burying his head on Minghao’s chest. “Please.”

“Okay. We got you. C’mon now Hao, give me Shua hyung, we can’t have you carry him.” Junhui says.

“But I can carry him just fine-“ Minghao tries to retaliate but Junhui doesn’t give him a chance and effortlessly carries Joshua out of MInghao’s arms.

“Your back is still recovering. Now please, go back to the studio and tell Soonyoung that we’ll head home. Have the others be settled by Cheol hyung and Hannie hyung. We’ll be at the car okay? Be quick and we still need to put compress to your back too.”

Minghao wastes no time and speed off. Joshua gulps, he hates this feeling. Being a burden again and again and again-

“Hey Shua hyung, do you want to put Minghao’s compress later?”

“…what?”

Joshua looks up to the man who’s carrying him but Junhui’s looking forward, making his way straight to the parking lot.

“Well, I know Haohao loves your massages like you like his. I know I could count on making Hoahao feel nice. He doesn’t like it when I do his compress for him, that brat.”

“But I-“

“And then I’ll be in the kitchen cooking you the tastiest ramyeon you’ll ever eat. How is that for a deal?”

Junhui grins down on him and Joshua suddenly feels a little better. He’s wanted and he’ll be helpful.

“So hyung, is it a deal?”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THis is just me channeling my stress into Joshua's persona in this au im so sorry ive been really stressed and ineeded to vent. im so sorry if its not written well but i hope yous till liked it even tho not much has happened. 
> 
> im sorry if i cant answer what joshua has, as ive said, im just channeling what i feel into joshua's character here. i dont know what he has or whats going on. im so sorry for making this mess.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I made this when i was too sad and needed comfort. I finished it because I felt like i haven't posted for too long. If there's typos or something needing clarification sorry bout that, im not really a good editor or proofreader. i dont have any beta too. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading! Thank you!


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